Newton's Law

You know when things always SEEM like a great idea and then (get ready for a real shocker), they turn out to be, well, not so great? We headed out for a super fun apple picking, perfect pumpkin choosing, get-the-best-family-Christmas-picture ever adventure. The weather was perfect (finally, sweaters!) and the kids were clean-ish (at least when we left the house), the cameras were charged and the moods were positively wonderful. As soon as we pulled into the crowded minivan filled parking lot, someone else joined the group - an uninvited guest. Do you know her? She looks nice enough at first glance, familiar even, but then, as the kids begin to run in different directions and she almost gets hit by a backing up Volvo and she twists her ankle 4 times tripping over rotten apples on the bumpy path that leads down to the ultimate selection of MacIntoshs, her left eye begins to twitch a tiny bit (the kind that only she can feel and no one else can see). She pleads to the short people to smile in unison for a photo and instead ends up with a memory card filled with "empty to trash" moments. A giant, pulsating vein pops out of her neck. The children fill a heaping bushel of fruit (a bushel is equal to 45 pounds and $93, I think) and now it's time for pumpkins and doughnuts and cider. The good old rule that we had when the offspring were smaller backfired on this day, because "if you can carry it, you can keep it" is more of a financial consequence when one's 8 year old has been taking his vitamins and he now has the strength of a full grown bull. (I think that the bumper of the van hit dragged on the pavement the entire ride home. On the bright side, we now have a viable entry for the heaviest vegetable category at the Cumberland Fair.) Crazy makes her final appearance in the form of eating a whole peanut butter whoopie pie in 2 bites and screaming to the family to "just get in the (insert silent explative) car!". So when I revisit the ideas of Sir Isaac Newton and imagine how he was able to draw such insightful, brilliant theories while sitting under an apple tree, I now believe that gravity was not discovered by mere accident. I think that he was beaned in the head by a small child swinging from the twisty branches high above him.