Dearest Facebook,
You seduced me with your whimsical invitations and promises of untraceable stalking opportunities. You have replaced my addiction to WebMD with your more traditional wisdom like daily tarot card readings, horoscopes and color personality tests (if only you had fun game for diagnosing "which virus do you carry?" I might never have to seek the attention of my PCP ever again). I know so many things about people that I only kind of know and I can honestly say, that my children are centimeters away from becoming wards of the state as they are now internet orphans (no, not REALLY). I have a considerable amount of control when it comes to posting and sharing and getting "secretly re-acquainted" with people from my past. (I do hope that you never develop a reliable tool that lets people see who is searching for you because, well, let's just say, I don't care to know and I don't want that boy that turned me down for the sadie hawkins dance freshman year of high school to know I was doing research on him. I was just checking to make sure that he was now sad and lonely and fat and ugly.) In your honor, since I am not always very good at updates my status in "real time", I have comprised a typical mini-list of my usual daily activities and thoughts, in case you were wondering:
5:18A - awake
5:19A - kids demanding milk and food rations
5:27A - do Ghiradelli squares count as a square meal? They should.
6:45A - took shower and got dressed
6:49A - back into shower to rinse out conditioner from hair
7:14A - kids are still in jammies, won't eat vitamins and I just saw the dog sniff
his own poop
7:59A - can't find baby's other shoe, she'll have to wear galloshes
8:35A - caught the bus with seconds to spare, chatted with other moms, realized I forgot socks again
9:04A - wonder if I can still fit into my wedding dress?
10:46A - sheets in wash, vacuumed boy's room, cleaned guinea pig's cage, found where all mysterious glitter is coming from, still can't locate missing size 6 shoe
11:15A - I think that my whoopie pies are better than Hannafords, should eat the other 1/2 to make sure...
1:30P - movie is in for small child, time to start dinner, finish vacuuming, make bed, unload dishwasher, etc.
3:00P - got distracted with online window shopping and trash on TV, must do chores in next 22 minutes or else having cereal for dinner and sleeping on bed with no sheets... COL (Crying Out Loud - just made that up, should try to remember - it might be big!)
Anyway, you get the gist. My life is wicked cool and because of you, FB, I can share every detail with the world, or at least my 143 friends (used to be 146, but I had to unfriend some people (thanks for that option, too)).
Sincerely, your pal (wink, wink)
